THE AFROS : KICKIN’ AFROLISTICS

That’s the first time The Afros come to mind, and it vanished just as quickly as their career did. I certainly had no idea that DJ Hurricane and Jam Master Jay had actually founded a band called The Afros.

It seemed to me to be merely a chance shoutout at the start of a brand-new song by a renowned rap group. Even Run-D.M.C. fans don’t often mention “Pause,” but in my opinion, it’s a classic. It’s another instance of “B Side Wins Again” where the “Ghostbusters” rap’s flip side was superior to the intended single.

But the point I’m making is that “Pause” wasn’t the best strategy for introducing a new group. They might have been any group of buddies from Hollis enjoying a nice beer on a hot day, not the “40-ounce crew” that the intro refers to.

The irony is that “Back From Hell,” the album that popularized “Pause,” may have been released before “Kickin’ Afrolistics.” The only release date we have for the Afros’ debut album these days is “1990,” with no specific day or month provided. The information about the day—October 16, 1990—comes from Run, D.M.C., and Jam Master Jay. However, we also know the exact date the “Ghostbusters” single was released, which was July 12, 1989.

In the end, “Kickin’ Afrolistics” most likely released prior to October 1990 because there are almost a full year’s worth of months for it to do so with only a few months following.

We might have a better idea of the single’s release date if it had a date, but it is also only given the year “1990.” You would be 100% correct if you started to worry that this new group wasn’t being advertised or promoted properly.

Despite this, The Afros nevertheless managed to record two songs with music videos, the second of which is the hymn for black pride, “Feel It.” Sadly, the fact that one of The Afros removes his afro in the video reveals the true issue. If the movement’s goal is to promote the value of naturally curly, untreated hair, wearing an afro wig has the opposite effect. It’s made worse by the fact that every girl at the pool party held behind the mansion gates is wearing the same wig. Everything becomes a gimmick as a result, similar to Kris Kross wearing their jeans sideways.

If you have alopecia or your hair has fallen out as a result of cancer treatment, wearing a wig is not a problem. Neither of those appear to be the motivations for the Afros. Just to be known as The Afros, they don afros. On “Feel It,” they don’t explain it but they also don’t dispute it, so everything seems like it’s being played for laughs.

However, I don’t believe the group was making a joke. Although hearing them play “Dragnet” for songs like “Federal Offense” could lead you to believe otherwise, despite the absence of a parental advisory sticker The Afros are cursing obnoxiously and firing away with a callous “fuck y’all” in response. They even leave a bullet-riddled informant at their hiding place for the police to find, and when the pigs learn their informant has died, they are furious. Who gives a fuck about the cops, the Afros shout as they fire their weapons.

You’d believe N.W.A produced this if it hadn’t been for Davy, DMX, and JMJ. Oh no… That is untrue. These brothers can’t compare to Cube, Ren, Dre, or Eazy-E in terms of hardness. However, if you assumed that “afro” meant “Afrocentric,” you will be shocked to learn that they are not here to demonstrate Knowledge Reigns Supreme.

That makes the fact “Causin’ Destruction” starts with an excerpt from a speech by Malcolm X even more ironic. This isn’t a focused rage against the machinery of racism, it’s a swaggering posture as to how badass The Afros are and how things shatter in their presence. “You tried to flee but the bomb was atomic/hit you in the stomach and made you vomit/Now you’re left in a fucked up state of mind/with nothing to find left of mankind.” That’s the entire purpose of their rap. We’re bad. We’re so bad. We’re nuclear weapons level bad. Do you get it? We’re some bad motherfuckers y’all. “I’ma drop hard lyrics until you’re disintegrated.” Okay! We get it.

There it is, then. They “wear” afros rather than having them. It is a ruse. Not surprisingly, that is exactly how the rap audience responded. They might as well have had Humpty-Humps for noses (R.I.P. Shock G). In fact, “Jump” has horns on the hook that are influenced by P-Funk and sound like they belong in a Digital Underground song. The frustrating thing with The Afros is that this is a fantastic tune. Wigs weren’t necessary for the Afros. They had a sound, production, and lyrical skill that was in line with every other rap group of the 1990s. The marketing ploy that was supposed to help The Afros instead did the opposite because no one took them seriously.

Hurricane and Jay may have been excited about this concept—the story goes that they got it after watching the movie “Hollywood Shuffle”—but Columbia Records’ execution of it was at best mediocre, so it’s understandable why there was never a follow-up album.

In retrospect, they might have been successful if they had chosen a different name and paid less attention to wearing wigs to advertise themselves. However, if they hadn’t stood out for being so ridiculously created and advertised, they might not have been recognized at all. Actually, they nearly took either course. The Afros don’t appear on lists of “where are they now” or in people’s warm memories. Maybe this review will make a difference. Time will only tell.