It’s always been so amazing to me that you can listen to just a few seconds of a song, and it can bring up so much emotion and memories. The 9th track off of Kanye West’s “My Dark Twisted Fantasy” may not be the most popular, and calling it his best would only create a war.
However, I think it’s a perfect representation of him. It’s beautiful and it’s a technical marvel, but it’s an absolute mess just like Kanye. To Clarify, I’m not saying the track or musicality is messy, but rather the topics at hand, the themes. The context of what defines Runaway combines with something that is Kanye through and through. His entire career has been like a car crash you can’t look away from because it’s the most impressive thought-provoking, powerful, and relatable car crash that you’ve ever seen.
“My Beautiful Twisted Fantasy” is a special project. It came to Kanye after a period of self-sabotage in the public eye. He flew out a ton of the best producers and musicians in the world to very secretive recording sessions in Hawaii where a set of rules took place, all the egos combined perfectly, no one was clashing together, and this was Kanye’s return to aggressive dominance in the music world. This was him getting his power back. The music itself is extremely maximalist. It is one of the most grand albums you’ll ever come across. The tracks are long, we’re getting influences from musicians all across the board, lyrical themes of celebrity wealth, romance, ego, and more than anything excess. The album begins with Nicki Minaj reading Roald Dahl in an English accent, we’ve got a few of the most iconic Hiphop samples of the century, there’s a skit by Chris Rock, and it also features spoken word poetry by Gil Scott Heron about “The African American experience and the fated idealism of the American dream.” This album has so much going on at all times. It is rooted in grandness and indulgence. So that makes it all the more fascinating when on track number nine, we get one of the most vulnerable, authentic, self-aware revealing pieces of art from perhaps the most complicated, closed-off individuals.
At the beginning of this nine-minute epic, we hear a very cold, lonely E struck on the piano precisely 15 times. It happens just long enough that in a split second, you start wondering, what is this I’m uncomfortable, this is awkward. We go down an octave, then up an octave a few times. During this part of Runaway, we’re getting a prologue it’s an introduction to set the stage for what you’re about to hear. But within these first 40-ish seconds of isolated piano keys, we do get an entire story. There’s a beginning, middle, and end, a rising action, conflict, and resolution. As that story finishes the main event begins when the beat drops. This dark and haunting synthetic bass comes into play and is an inviting tone compared to those high-pitched piano keys that have continued. It almost feels like a representation of good vs evil or some other internal struggle. Coinciding with the piano keys, drum machine, and bass we get these chopped-up vocal samples that Kanye used a lot during this time. The first is from a 1981 live performance of Rick James doing Mary Jane and saying “Look at you.” I think this one adds to the sense of eeriness of this track. With the line going back and forth between your headphones it makes you feel almost claustrophobic. As if you’re just as alone as those piano keys from before and someone’s yelling at you and trapping you in a corner.
The other vocal sample is from James Brown’s Introduction to Live at the Apollo Theater 1967 where we hear “Ladies and gentlemen.” This one circles us back to the glorious themes of celebrity we’ve been hearing throughout the album thus far. Yes, on this track we feel completely isolated however we are also simultaneously the center of attention. Just like how Kanye and other big names must feel every single day not only is it very lonely at the top but they’re constantly being put on show like an exhibit in a museum or animals in the zoo. Plenty of people pointing at him like he’s some otherworldly being but few real human connections. The “look at you” surrounded by people coming at you from all sides and the “ladies and gentlemen” is the reminder that this is all some sick game to those around you you don’t matter you’re just a tool to entertain them.
In the pre-chorus, we get some of the best emotion-packed vocals of Ye’s career and he gives you his uniquely Kanye response to the desolation he’s faced in the intro.
“And I always find, yeah, I always find somethin’ wrong
You been puttin’ up with my shit just way too long
I’m so gifted at findin’ what I don’t like the most
So I think it’s time (so I think it’s time)
For us to have a toast”
He’s agreeing that he’s wronged many people, he’s made a fool of himself in the public eye, and he’s messed up time and time again. In doing this he’s accomplishing what few egomaniacs ever do, he’s accepting it. While he likes to hype himself up as some kind of god, we’re hearing him owning up to his faults and this is a groundbreaking moment for him. But as you’ll see in the very last line from above, and then the context of the chorus Runaway is this disasturous celebration of him accepting his faults. For a second you might’ve thought he was going to sincerely apologize for his faults but you’d be wrong. The main point is that he is who he is and knows he can’t change that. But what makes him such a good anti-hero is that he’s not exactly gloating about his mistakes and inability to change. The fact that he’s making this song referencing that he’s a menace to society and that he often put work above his loved ones, shows empathy towards these situations.
What the song is all about is that for better or for worse he is testify, perhaps regretfully, that he is proud of himself. People might take one glance at the lyrics in verse one and think that they’re cringe-worthy and though I don’t completely disagree, I also don’t think that these bars are bad. I’m sitting there listening in shock over how transparent Kanye is so willingly being. He’s describing his mistreatment of women in a way that is open and conversational without making that mistreatment seem okay. Again I need to emphasize just how brutal it is seeing this monumental, self-obsessed figure admitting to his guilt and feeling a lot of insecurity as well. But like I mentioned this song is a beautiful disaster. For every second of vulnerable honesty, we get glimpses of that bragging monster coming back to center stage.
After a verse about him constantly mishandling relationships over the years, we get “and I just blame everything on you/ At least you know that’s what I’m good at.” In this twisted, uncomfortable way his empathy is followed by him talking in definitves. Saying that blaming you is what I’m good at and that you’ve known that from the jump. And then the reaffirmation of his negative traits in the pre-chorus with “yeah I always find something wrong.” The vicious cycle of doing the wrong thing while being caught up in materialism is a dramatic tragedy. He’s on this journey of trying to find himself and understand the pros and cons of having a distorted self-esteem. He’s grasping at straws here trying to pat himself on that back even when he’s the reason he’s at his lowest point.
During the bridge, we get his heartbreaking plea in the most direct way possible as he sings “Run away from me baby, run away” repeatedly. Exactly who Kanye is directing this towards could’ve been whichever love interest of the time, it could’ve been towards himself, saying to run away from the shallowness of fame. Nonetheless, the fact that this part of the song is so open starts to show you the bigger picture. No matter who he’s talking to or what he’s specifically talking about Kanye is scared being in the public eye has brought him so many mixed emotions. The highs are amplified but so are the lows. Being famous starts to take away your innermost human traits, whether it be your personality, your character, your morals, and so on. When you’re under the microscope of stardom you start to lose yourself and as we all know Kanye loves himself.
So on Runaway, after eight tracks of questioning and reveling in excess when the insecurity, guilt, and fear begin to set in Kanye thinks the only option is to fight back with the thing he knows best: arrogance. But can you blame him? In verse 2 we get the personification of arrogance with Pusha T. It’s been three and a half minutes of Kanye battling his inner demons and trying to convince himself that no matter what being himself is the only way through. So in that moment, Pusha T flies in and comes to the rescue with one of the most audacious, vain, smug verses you’ll ever hear to pull Kanye back to his cocky self.
When I talked about his internal struggles and accepting his faults those ideas were the angel on his shoulder seeing if they could push Kanye in the direction of compassion for those around him. But as the binds of celebrity and fame hold him tight, Pusha T is the other end of the spectrum. Convincing him that power, sex, and money are the keys to moving forward. All the other stuff will just hold him back. In verses, Kanye cements his role as a tragic hero. He’s fully aware of the worst parts of himself but his pride stands above everything else. No matter what he does going forward, trying to fix the past or himself is only going to make things worse. As he sings these lyrics you can hear the pain and anguish in his voice knowing that his path is a lonely one and that any resistance is futile. Nonetheless, he’s a genius he’s made some of the most important music of the 21st century but no matter what he does, inner peace may never come.
A few lines that specifically stand out to me and quite frankly touch me on a different level read:
“Never was much of a romantic
I could never take the intimacy
And I know it did damage
‘Cause the look in your eyes is killin’ me
I guess then you are at an advantage
‘Cause you could blame me for everything
And I don’t know how I’ma manage
If one day you just up and leave”
This is followed by Kanye’s chorus of warning others to run away from him. Through this part of the song, he shows such a deep intimacy as he admits to how far his faults have gone. However, my interpretation of the lyrics is that he’s always been misunderstood. It’s clear that he’s messed up time and time again but even as he tries to progress he’s always misunderstood. The pre-chorus and chorus come back one last time as Kanye fully sacrifices himself to this life of maximalism. This story of hardship and humiliation ends with this very elegant and serene outro symbolizing Kanye’s departure from any real tranquility. This is the last taste of the life that he gave up. He sings through a vocoder that is programmed to sound like a distorted electric guitar and there’s something so perfect about how you cant really make out what he’s saying. I guess the idea here is that no matter what he says even if he was finally apologizing nobody would take it to heart anyway. People make their own perceptions of celebrities that we will truly never know so as Kanye makes his final descent into this grimmy decadent world of fame it’s only fitting that we can’t even understand his words. Pointing to his distant feeling of being misunderstood. Only he knows what he’s saying because that’s what’s most important. During this moment at least he’s not scared of the isolation anymore. He’s going to embrace the role that we put him into, he taking the labels that the media gives him, and he is wearing them like badges of honor. He may be completely alone but he is at least proud of who he is.
To me, the ending to the song means Kanye has always been misunderstood and no matter how hard he tries to speak and express himself his words come out unclear – not only to the media but to those who hold close personal relationships with him – like we are hearing in the song. We know what he’s trying to say but we aren’t able to understand him. As if whenever he goes to explain himself and his feelings the words refuse to come out and instead appear jumbled. Personally, I believe these few minutes of perhaps meaningless distorted chords, represent him being stuck and pinned against a world that refuses to hear him. To me, this is the most beautiful part of the song.
I love this song because of what it represents. It’s this relentlessly truthful perspective on being comfortable in your own skin. while many other songs would dismiss one’s problems with some meaningless apology Runaway takes your struggles head on and leans to live with them.
